


Bird's on Roofs

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Category: RWBY
Genre: Bad date, But not really romance, Crack, Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, It Looks Like Angst At First But I Swear It's a Crackfic, Qrow Being a Jerk, References to Drugs, Romance, The Joke Is In EXTREMELY POOR TASTE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 08:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13783959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: Qrow and Glynda have a bad date, and when they get home Taiyang makes makes an even worse pun.(Now includes epilogue.)





	1. Bad Date

~ Bird's on Roofs ~

"Are you just going to sit there and drink?"

"Well, yeah... we _are_ at a bar."

"You could have done that at home!"

"Hey, _you're_ the one who wanted to go on a date."

The bowl of peanuts beside them on the bar rattled ominously as Glynda struggled to rein in her temper. She wondered,  _If he didn't want to go on a date, then why didn't he just say so instead of agreeing to it and then pulling this passive-aggressive bullshit?_

She continued to sulk while her boyfriend sat beside her with that stupid smug look on his face. Was it possible to drink sarcastically? Because if so, he was doing it.

"I didn't order this," Glynda said when the bartender set a glass full of amber liquid down in front of her.

"It's from the guy at that table in the corner," the bartender responded.

"Take it back," she said, not bothering to so much as glance in the direction of her not-so-secret admirer.

"Whoa, wait," Qrow said, putting his hand over the glass to block the bartender from retrieving it. "You're going to turn down free alcohol?"

"You say that like it's a crime."

"Crime? Not exactly. But it's definitely a party foul."

Glynda sighed. Not that she found jealousy attractive... but was he  _seriously_  more concerned about alcohol being wasted than about the fact that someone else was making a move on her while the two of them were quite clearly  _together_?

"Fine," she snapped. "You can have it, then."

* * *

"How'd the date go?" Taiyang asked, as Glynda unceremoniously dropped the unconscious Qrow onto the couch.

"How does it look like it went?" she snapped. "He drank the whole time, we argued, and it certainly wasn't any fun for either of us!"

Tai knew both of them well enough to guess exactly how things had gone down, without being given more details than that.

"Don't birds normally like being on roofs?" he said.

It took a moment for the meaning to sink in, and Taiyang almost regretted what he'd said when he saw Glynda's expression morph from confusion to rage.

"That is one of the most distasteful jokes I have ever heard." Then, after a brief pause: "Tell it again when he can actually hear you."

~oOo~


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since so many kids on FFN were confused about what the joke even was, I added an epilogue to explain everything.

~ Bird's on Roofs ~

Qrow just stared at Taiyang for a long time, letting what he'd said sink in, before he finally managed to speak.

"Alright, first of all, I did not get roofied. I'll have you know I got blackout drunk all by myself."

"Don't say that like it's something to brag about, Qrow."

Ignoring Taiyang's comment, Qrow continued, "And second of all,  _how are you even alive_  after telling that joke to Glynda?"

"I didn't think it was that bad at first," Tai replied. "I was focused more on what a clever pun it was than what the full implications of it were."

"The more you think about it, the more disturbing it becomes..."

"Yes, especially after she told me that you drank something sent over by a stranger that was meant for your girlfriend."

"That would also mean that if it was spiked, the bartender would have to have been in on that guy's plan."

"You don't have to tell me all of this. I already heard it from Glynda. She gave me quite the lecture after making me promise to tell you the joke."

Qrow sighed. If being subjected to Tai's awful sense of humor was Glynda's way of taking revenge for the bad date, then he had gotten off lightly.

~end~


End file.
